The beginning

It began, I believe when I was leading a jaded existence. I was a mother to a 6 year old who left me amazed by her ability to read and grasp information. A mother who wondered why other mothers always griped about ‘parenting’ trials and tribulations. The simplicity of raising her had been an insightful journey in itself. In 2001, I was nestled in my own warm cocoon with my Big A and small A, albeit with challenges of my own that I was journeying through. A year after small A's birth, I discovered by chance that I was hearing impaired. It was a progressive sensiro neuro hearing loss that did not have a cure. I could take precautions like avoiding oto-toxic antibiotics, noisy places and remain destressed.At 30, it came as a shock to me and I went through the process of denial and depression. If it hadn’t been for A, I would never have sought counseling or worked upon myself and my limitation. A lady pyshocologist helped me through this phase gently and firmly till I equipped myself with hearing aids.
Our lives took the usual turn. Job transfers and home shifts, new school for small A who was now 4 years old.Amit was busy with his work, me with my freelance job with a travel portal.

I conceived Anandita during the disastrous Bhuj earthquake in January 2001.I cannot say it was an uneventful pregnancy.Healthwise I was fit as a fiddle and could climb 5 storey of steps in my 9th month of pregancy.Emotionally,now when I look back it was a terrible time. My moods were difficult to comprehend. I was on a perennial mood swing, weepy, sad, and not really happy except when I was with the family. The excitement and anticipation I had with my first pregnancy was lacking this time.Normal, perhaps but not for me. I progressed through the usual ultrasounds and vitamins and pre natal exercises, stopped watching horror shows on TV and ate as healthy as possible. No craving for meat this time. I actually turned vegetarian. I was hoping for a normal birth instead of the C section of the 1st time and was guided to read a book VBAC-Vaginal birth after Caesarean. Both A and I had the feeling of complacency. We have been through a first baby so the second is a lot easier. I am sure most 2nd time parents would get what I mean.

She was born on the afternoon of October 30’2001 in Bombay. My gynecologist of 9 months who had guided me through fell seriously ill just then. I was then taken under the care of her aunt Dr M.She called me in for a routine check on the morning of the 30th as I was feeling ill and then told me to go straight away for a C-section as there was a danger of a uterine wall rupture. I was apprehensive as I knew the painkilling drugs for the C-section would impair my hearing loss further. My gynecologist was sensitive and tuned in, she told me only mild painkillers would be used. And then Anandita came into our world at 1.02 pm

The afternoon of October 30th'2001 soon after I had recovered from the anesthesia, she arrived into my arms all tiny and swaddled. She was asleep. I was tired. The night I spent with her gave me no inkling of what discomfort she was experiencing. She spent the night with me on my bed because she refused to stay in the nursery where the nurses would take care of her. The experienced nurse told me that my baby was crying when placed on her nursery bed and wanted to be with me. I cradled her and slept. So did she. The next morning we shifted into a larger room where she had a small cradle of her own. I held her as often as I could, feeding her, speaking to her, gazing at her every feature as if she was a miracle outside of me finally. Some part of my mind was already telling me something was wrong .I felt like how a mother cat feels when one of her litter is not allright.I knew that feeling there and then with such certainty that it overwhelmed me...

I shared my concerns with her paedtrician, Dr B. He was on his routine rounds and he checked her heart and heard me out. Just when he was on his way out of my room, he turned back and looked at me and simply said, ‘I would like to have her checked out. She has a heart murmur. Most babies do but in this case I would like to get an echo done.”

I think my journey began then. With that statement of his and what was to ensue.

One may wonder how I can remember each and every minute detail of what transpired that day and during that period. It remains etched in my mind with such clarity--the face of the doctor, the face of the intern who came in to tell me that my baby was in a serious condition and would not be back to the room and had been taken to the NICU, the face of the nurses looking at me with concern and tenderness, the hospital corridors and……..Perhaps these images linger on as reminders. Or maybe I was in shock.

Anandita was diagnosed on the 2nd day of her birth as having a life threatening cyanotic congenital heart defect-Transposition of her Great Arteries (TGA with VSD/ASD).It required immediate intensive care as her lungs were being filled up with impure oxygen. She also required immediate heart surgery to resolve the issue but that could not happen in Bombay.
She remained on artificial respiration for several weeks, with many attempts being made to wean her off the machine.

The only solution was a corrective surgery for her heart defect.Till then she would have to survive on life saving drugs.

The wait began..