Sensitizing the world around us OR...........

This happened two years ago. We lived in another neighbourhood.Anandita had started enjoying outdoor activities due to her new found sense of freedom and unlimited space and greenery that Pune has on offer. I enrolled her into a karate class that was held twice a week in the club house of our society premises. It was more of a trial, to see if she would enjoy it, not just the actual physical part of karate but also the bonding that occurs in classes with kids of the same age.
She enjoyed the classes, there was the initial resistance that ‘No one talks to me’ or I couldn’t do this particular kick but soon it wore off. I found her enthusiastic and eager before every class. The teacher was aware of her cerebral palsy and motor limitations and in fact he impressed me when he shared that he had worked with CP kids and helped them walk/kick etc.

Two years lapsed. The teacher’s feedback was always that she was doing very well. We decided not to opt for her karate exams for the 1st year as we knew she was just settling in with this new physical activity.

One day after a session she came back with her exam application form which we had to fill and return. It would be her 1st karate belt exam and her ‘sir’ had given her the form and she was the most excited child on the block. I filled in the form giving my consent along with the money and same was given to the teacher.

To cut this short, the day of the exam arrived, a Saturday.Anandita was ready in the morning all set practicing her moves and kicks. I offhand decided to call the teacher to ask him the reporting time for the exam as one of us would have to stay back with her till her turn was complete.
He said, “Anandita is not eligible for the exam”. I thought he was erring somewhere, so it mentioned that I had submitted the form a month back with the money which he had even acknowledged. His response to that was,’Mrs Kumar, I assumed that money was for the month fees that you were paying in advance!” He said that Anandita would not be able to do the exam as she was not strong enough for all the moves because of her condition. I sensed he was making excuses. I didn’t make it easy for him. I spelt out what I felt and short of saying,’ shame on you’, I just about said everything else …you know how moms can be and especially moms of special needs kids! I put it down in writing as well and decided to stop classes with this teacher. Mentally I labeled him as insensitive and whatever term I could think of. What was happening all these 2 years then? Was she retained in her class out of pity? It couldn’t be the money!

I was simply too upset. Not because of her inability to do the exams. But for her spirit and enthusiasm that died that moment. I had no words to explain to her when she asked me what about my exam? Nor could I lie to her.

This isn’t a self pity trip. It’s also not about learning of lessons. We don’t learn them. We live these lessons. It’s like a wallowing in emotions for that moment and few days later. Deep down the reality exists—we can’t change the world around us. Focus on the immediate and get going. Stop relying on the world for approval and self esteem and feeling good. Delve into yourself and your own capabilities.

It did give me a chance to understand how people think and behave contrary to what they say.

Is it my job or anyone else’s to sensitize people on this or is it more important for me to understand how to handle my own emotions and build up my own child’s self esteem?

Is my child’s self esteem dependant on society so deeply or can I simply not play a role, or our family as a unit in building up her esteem and confidence?
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Yes we live in a society, some aware, some unaware souls all co exist out there but their behavior is not going to get me on a roll where I lose my energy and vitality...

I spent a good amount of time ranting and raving on how people are and why they are this way, a long time ago...

I have also been told,” Why are moms of special needs children so emotional? Why don’t they simply fight for what they want, make a noise and hue and cry about any kind of injustice?”

I simply have no answer to that. I know that every one is different and has their own unique way of handling a difficult situation. I also know it’s not in me to sensitize people and society in general. The state of awareness has to come from within, from a seed that may have been sown in childhood and nurtured by family and environment. To expect everyone to be compassionate and sensitive and to think the way I do is not realistic.

So does one spend time sensitizing the world we live in or we focus on equipping our own selves in handling our challenges?